Attention

Maybe I should change the gist of this blog...It seems I kind of use it as a jornal to write about all sorts of things, not just our little family. :)

So, this morning I was in Isaiah 42. I've decided it's OK to let Ev watch TV while I spend time in the Word. Tate's asleep, so I get a minute to myself. A much needed minute. I really love Isaiah, thanks to Kim Ransleben. She's the most amazing mentor I've ever had, and I've really only had 20 or so conversations with her. All of them with a huge impact on me. That woman knows and loves the Word...and knows how to speak harsh truths into other lives in a loving way. Anyway, she's the one who has encouraged me to read Isaiah to learn to love WHO God is! I've been reading it with that bent...

Except this morning. I walk upstairs and all of the sudden, I'm bombarded by all of the things I have to do. Toys here, dishes there, laundry everywhere. Dusting, windows, bathrooms, grocery lists, plans for lunch. It all invades my brain and takes over like a horrible alien show. It's something that I'm struggling with, because I tend to make my "to do" list my idol. I put it above all things...above my kids, above my husband, above myself...above the Lord. So, I pray that the Lord will give me a still moment. And up runs Ev to ask me to play with him. What do I do now? It seems there are challenges everywhere...I tell Ev that I'm spending time with Jesus and that I need him to go back downstairs. I tell him I need this time so that I can be a good mommy. He says, "I want you to be a bad mommy!" *sigh* Anyway, I read through and then I come to these convicting verses:

"You have seen many things but have paid no attention; you ears are open but you hear nothing." This is on the heels of "But those who trust in idols...will be put to utter shame."

Oh, man. I see so much. I see toys, I see dishes, I see dirty clothes and unmade beds. I see dust and finger prints. I see grapes on the floor and trash that has to be taken out. Have I paid attention to the Lord? No. I have made an idol of my pride. Pride in a clean house, a well cooked meal, a routine to the day, "nice" children. All of these things are important, but secondary. I need to push the idols aside so I may pay attention. No wonder I feel so ashamed at times. I've made first things last and last things first in a bad way. Everything is backwards. No wonder my ears are open but I hear nothing.

So, here's my prayer for the day: "Open my eyes and mind to YOU, Lord, and CLOSE them to the clutter in my house and the pride that consumes me."

I know...